I
hate tonight. I've hated the majority of this past week, quite honestly,
and so now I'm coping the way I've always coped. I do everything I can to
stay busy and escape all of the thoughts in my own head; in the process, my
room has become seemingly spotless. How I wish that cleaning out my
thoughts was as easy as cleaning my room! Wipe away the dust, rinse a
little, step back and observe, rearrange, and then observe again until it's
perfect. No, it's never like that - and it never will be. And
that's okay, I think. Right now, it absolutely sucks and I would do
pretty much anything to turn my brain off for just one second, but I know that
this too is only temporary. I will go to bed and I will wake up because
God is faithful, and I will get out of bed not because I want to do anything
besides hide from the world, but because God is good. I will continue on
through the valley because I know I'm on the way to a hill where I can watch
the sun set, just like in Verona. I will keep walking, stumbling,
crawling, journeying to where I belong. I don't belong here and I never
will; God knows how keenly I feel it. It aches in my bones, in my blood,
in my soul. Everything in me screams that it wants to be Home, but He
whispers "time". My heart weighs heavy in my chest as I
breathe, and I cry out, and I breathe; I struggle, but I breathe. I
breathe because He is faithful, and I breathe because He is life.
