It's a fine white dust

Normally, I don't look forward to Christmas.  I dislike dressing up to go to parties that I don't feel are necessary, and I dislike hearing "HO HO HO" every two seconds.  But this year, something is different.  There's something incredibly magical about this winter, especially Christmas.  There's something new and special about the way giant snowflakes fall on the ground and the way the trees look when covered in a fine white dust.  My heart balloons with joy when I walk outside and feel the cold bite of the wind as snow cuts into my cheek.  I feel alive, I feel the heartbeat of the way nature celebrates certain seasons.  I can see God's beauty demonstrated in the curve of every branch, in a simple footprint, in a bald patch of grass.
I walked (waltzed) down Market Street last week underneath a sky full of puffy snowflakes that landed in my hair and on my eyelashes.  I stepped through puddles and found new snow where no one had ever walked; I sang Christmas carols while dancing down the street.  Something in me feels reborn this winter and I can't understand why.  My life is nowhere near perfect and I have things that are weighing heavy on my heart but when I set foot outside, God is good enough to let me forget the things that trouble me and let me focus solely on the fact that He created all of the beauty for me to enjoy.

It leaves me breathless.

I gasp for air, this time not because my heart is drowning, but because I'm dazzled by the splendor that wraps its arms around New York in the wintertime.  I'm dazzled by the Creator who made stark and barren trees suddenly light up with the decoration of a simple powder.  I'm dazzled by the way a fog lifts and lets you see the ugly become beautiful.  In truth, I'm dazzled by the love my God has for the creation that He brought into being.  He wants us to see and appreciate His artistry, no matter what season of life we're muddling through.  Right now, my heart hurts and I'm trying to study for finals and I'm lonely; somehow, His creation reminds me that none of that really matters.  He's here, and that's what matters.  I have a loving, caring, crazy-in-love-with-me God.  Why should anything else matter?

Breathe

I hate tonight.  I've hated the majority of this past week, quite honestly, and so now I'm coping the way I've always coped.  I do everything I can to stay busy and escape all of the thoughts in my own head; in the process, my room has become seemingly spotless.  How I wish that cleaning out my thoughts was as easy as cleaning my room!  Wipe away the dust, rinse a little, step back and observe, rearrange, and then observe again until it's perfect.  No, it's never like that - and it never will be.  And that's okay, I think.  Right now, it absolutely sucks and I would do pretty much anything to turn my brain off for just one second, but I know that this too is only temporary.  I will go to bed and I will wake up because God is faithful, and I will get out of bed not because I want to do anything besides hide from the world, but because God is good.  I will continue on through the valley because I know I'm on the way to a hill where I can watch the sun set, just like in Verona.  I will keep walking, stumbling, crawling, journeying to where I belong.  I don't belong here and I never will; God knows how keenly I feel it.  It aches in my bones, in my blood, in my soul.  Everything in me screams that it wants to be Home, but He whispers "time".  My heart weighs heavy in my chest as I breathe, and I cry out, and I breathe; I struggle, but I breathe.  I breathe because He is faithful, and I breathe because He is life. 

Summer; here and gone

And it’s over.  Just like that.

Every year, I tell myself that the summer is going to last forever; that I’m going to take time to spend with all of the people that I love and not worry about getting a job or making money.  And every year, I manage to take multiple jobs and see less of those I love, but more than my budget should allow.  It gets harder and harder because I know how I would like to prioritize, but I also know that common sense often has to overcome the desires of the heart.  So this summer I have faithfully gone to work, saved money, and prayed for the ability to go on weekend trips.  God has blessed me with friends who drive to see me and who are gracious enough to not mention how tedious it is to make the trip; He has also blessed me with parents who let me borrow the car to return the favor (although not as often as my unwise youth would beg), which is a wonderful thing to be thankful for!

This summer has been a smooth drive mixed with a few potholes, and in spite of many tears, I have learned much.  I have learned that “friends” are not real unless they’re there for you when life is tough and you shut down; I have learned that my heart cannot fall, it must be conquered; and finally, I have learned that spending time with Jesus is more precious than a child’s laugh.  The bubbling sound of a child’s laughter is number one on my list of favorite things, and yet somehow Jesus manages to trump that sound.  It should always be that way, but I tend to forget this important thing and allow life to consume me instead.  Thank God for this summer.

They say that summer is the time for romance and I have to agree; I seem to have fallen even more deeply in love with my Savior and all of His creation.  When I see a sunset, I have to stop and stare at the colors and marvel at the incredible sight in front of me; if a family of ducks decides to explore the sand and learn what to eat, I take a picture to remind me of the wonderful way our Lord provides even for the birds.  I’m falling head over heels in love as I notice each little dew drop on a blade of grass as I walk barefoot to pick blueberries.  It’s crazy to most people, I know.  But let me tell you…I have never felt more alive.  Living, breathing, admiring; it’s a dance.  It was once written, “To refuse God recognition is to quit the cosmic dance”; please don’t ever quit this dance.  Look around and enjoy the little things that bring your heart joy!  God delights in bringing us joy and even in the trials, we are able to find our joy in Him and in the things He has created that are all around us.  Stop and look!  “Taste and see that the Lord is good”! (Psalm 34:8a)

Romance is a whirlwind of emotions, a time when you begin to see a glimpse into someone else’s heart and love them because the things you see in their heart are things that capture you and encourage you to grow, to become someone better.  Jesus’ heart is so deep and His love for us is so great that it is unfathomable, but He has opened my eyes even wider this summer and let me see the things that were concealed as I stumbled in the dark.  I live under the shadow of grace, love, and sacrifice; what more could I ask for?  I’m hopelessly caught up in this love that consumes my heart, that makes me whole.  It’s no longer a summer romance; it’s becoming my way of life.

Moments

A moment.  What makes a moment memorable?  Is it the sound of a voice or the words that are said?  Or is it perhaps, the feeling of belonging, that makes a moment?  The deep feeling that you are meant to discover this moment and share it with whomever you're with?  Whatever it is that composes a moment, it changes us.  It makes us or breaks us, it expands our horizons, and our hearts are somehow different.  People change over time because life is not just a continuous rat race, it is a series of snapshots; a series of moments that melt and reshape our very being.  When you live as though life never ceases, slows down, or you forget to capture the moment, life is a sad thing and you are to be pitied.  This world is not meant to go faster and faster in a whirlwind of busyness; even Jesus took time to spend with the children and a lone woman at a well.  He understood that those moments were precious, that those moments changed the lives of others.  You and I, we change the lives of others, both knowingly and unknowingly.  So let's make sure that those special times spent where we create a still-life, even just for a second, let's make those times matter.  Situations are merely ways in which we are able to draw closer to our Lord and learn to praise Him in both the times of growth and the times of drought.  Enjoy the good moments as well as the bad, because you'll never know all that you're missing until you enjoy where you are, in this instant.  This very second is to be forever petrified in a memory; don't miss out on the chance to delight in a moment. 

Home

Home is feet running to meet you

The sparkle of a child’s eye

A moment of bliss

Home is the innocent laughter

The precious tears

A memory of a night

Home is a word whispered in your ear

The little hands to hold

A dance seen by the King

Home is the reckless abandon

The stillness of sleep

A song unknown to the world

Home is muddled confusion

The emergencies of life

A need for patience

Home is a tall tree

The sharp blade of green

A hope in the dark

Home is a gift undeserved

The heartbeat of an age

A second chance

Home is a glowing warmth

The unending forgiveness

A Sovereign love

Home is rags in a stable

The cry of my Messiah

A Light for this world

Home is the precious Savior

The Son on a cross of wood

A lifetime of sin crucified

Home is so simple

The touch of grace

A heart thawed once again

Home is a soul at rest

The joyful thought of Heaven

A place to spend eternity

Home is with You

The one place I belong

A perfect ending